I am unfortunately not a practicing Christian but some members of my family are indeed the faithful throngs of diligent practicing Christians of a certain faith. My late father was a Minister, a leader or an Elder of this particular faith that I am speaking off.
In my younger years especially as a teenager I was committed to the faith. My christian conviction prompted and drove me to serve full time as a volunteer worker in the Branch Office of this particular Christian faith. I made good progress as practicing Christian. They were the best times of my life and I did enjoy serving in the Ministry. Without hesitating I will say it did influence my life in how I have viewed things and in the decisions I make everyday right down to this moment.
I just wanted to share how it has served me in the way I have viewed marriage life. Although my own marriage failed miserably due to circumstances that are beyond my control, I am proud to say I have been quite successful in one aspect of it.
I have never laid a finger on my wife. I have had many fights and arguments but I have never raised my hand and caused any physical injury to her being.
I am naturally a big heavy set large man in comparison to most adult men. When I started playing Rugby Union I packed in the Front Row of the scrum and in order to play in that position I started doing weights in the Gym.
I used go along to the Gym that was owned by Karen Fletcher at Six Mile under a block of flats which is now rhe Hideaway Hotel. Karen Fletcher used to be married to Clive Fletcher who was very popular in Rugby League circles. He was the Coach of Tarangau and I believe he was one time the Kumul Coach.
Anyway what I am trying to say is because of that gym work and Rugby Union training I bulked up in size quite significantly and sometimes I did not know my own strength.
I shudder to imagine that had I became violent and physical toward my wife. I would have certainly bashed her to death with a few strikes. I am bloody glad I was never physically violent toward my wife.
Few hours ago before I went to sleep I had read what Scott Waide had written about his thoughts on the subject. I woke up around 2am to use the bathroom and my mind reverted to what Scott had written, and I kept thinking about it and could not go back to sleep.
Thanks to him I am telling my story.
My late father and the Christian faith had a lot to do with that subject. My father always made us read a Bible verse every morning at breakfast before we left the house. I remember one morning how he explained the scripture that we read in Ephesians 5: 33, where it says, "Nevertheless, also, let each one of you so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband"
When you are angry at yourself do you smack yourself and give a black eye or split your lips with a punch? No you dont because your love yourself. The Bible says you must love your wife just as you love yourself.
At the breakfast table my father turned and looked at my sister and said further, the Bible says also..."the wife should have deep respect for her husband"
In our understanding of the word respect the Dictionary has offered this explanation of the meaning of the word respect. "An attitude of consideration or high regard".
The Dictionary also offers words having similar meaning such as "honor, revere, venerate, esteem, value, admiration, and good opinion".
The Dictionary will also explain the meaning of each of the words herein describe, but by just understanding the meaning of the word "respect" as describe in the Dictionary, it is quite indept.
Accordingly if we apply the word "deep" into the meaning of the word "respect" like the Bible so strongly suggest, it throws a whole lot new meaning, when we apply it in a marriage situation.
My dad said to my sister that morning at the breakfast table that she must have respect for her husband, and that she must have a good listening ear and listen to her husband even if she proves to be a whole lot smarter and more intelligent than her husband. I remember him emphasizing that point in Tok Pisin,..."yu mas showim pasin bilong stap down long man bilong yu"
Lessons learnt from my father an Elder of a Christian faith.
I imagine for modern marriages and maybe a few old ones it is harder to comply with Ephesians 5:33, in this day and age where in every circumstance we are confronted with women equal rights themes.
It certainly clashes with Bible views.
Furthermore there are worldly influence that drive men to drink alcohol excessively and being intoxicated on regular basis. Their drunken and disorderly state and combine with many other social issues that they face certainly drives them to become violent toward women.
Many people will have many reasons and many ways to avoid domestic violence, and perhaps and some may offer criticism to what I said, but that this is my story.
And for myself I will try my best to pass on my experience and my story to the members of Sarang Burung Project who regularly meet at my house for singing practice.
I will also not for the slightest moment hesitate to teach all my Spartans Rugby Union boys of whom I now coach and off course any other Rugby Union player or any young person who comes forward to seek my advise.