Wednesday, March 2, 2016

RELATIONSHIPS: THE PUZZLE OF CHARM AND CHARACTER

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Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) this week released a report  highlighting concerns over Papua New Guinea's high rate of violence against women and children.  Very few can deny that we do, indeed have a serious crisis.  
 I have approached the issue of concern from a different perspective with insight drawn from the important women in my life - My grandmother,  Josephine,  my mother, Patricia, my wife Annette,  and my many dear sisters who also suffered various forms of abuse over time. This is also a tribute to my dad, Peter Hayward - a brave patient man with an explosive temper yet never laid a hand on his woman.

Domestic violence is a waste of energy.
 a person who can beat up a women he claims to love and later seek intimacy from her  a few nights after the big smash. 

I have practically given up trying to understand the mind of
 Every time I delve into the murky waters of this subject,  I hear the voice of  my Canadian politics lecturer,  who used to say: “…oh… he promises you the sun and the moon… and on Friday nights he gives you the stars!” 

 For those about to enter into a relationship,  get this: Love is NOT about how you FEEL about someone. It is a conscious decision you have to make and you have to express in a “love language” that your partner understands.  There are many love  languages and trust me,  beating her up is not one of them. 

 Many people are attracted to thing called CHARM.  It  is sweet  and delicious.  Like nectar to the honeybee, charm is what keeps you up at night thinking about him.   

Charm is the velvety touch you feel on your  spine  and the time he spends to “understand” you.  A charm wears off after time.  What you are left with is a thing called CHARACTER.  Character is permanent. 
 I hear this time and time again: “He was never like this before.”  Girl, what you saw was the charm and the charm wore off.   Charm is addictive and like a drug, it gives you a high  and wears off later. 

 I also can’t fathom , to some extent,  how men and women,  who were once  girls and boys who were friends,  stop being friends after marriage and children. Friendship should be nurtured and tended to. 

 Daughters should be taught to look beyond the charm for the character.
 Life and love are an adventure. A journey.  

 It is a story waiting to be written where memories are made.  Memories are but  brief moments in time that should be consciously created by friends. 

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